i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
