everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
