What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
false alarm. still invincible.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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