He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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