I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
