I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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