somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
