god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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