Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
