just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
