Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
