..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
