So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
