Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
