Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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