I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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