problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
