this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
