Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
