remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
