my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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