I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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