I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize