How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
