Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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