Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
