I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
