i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think a kid would responsible me up
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize