i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My friends, they love my intelligence
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
