There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
