I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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