He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ass is underappreciated
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
