I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
