you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
