there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let's get the cat blown out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
