I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize