i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
