dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i dont even know how to be here
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize