The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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