I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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