After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
