found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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