stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
