Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
