He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
