I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
