she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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