Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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