Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3pm strippers are depressing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
