His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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