I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
