You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
