I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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