I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
