Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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