Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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