you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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