Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize