Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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