The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
