forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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