I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
