the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
