My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
