The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
