that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
