Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The struggles of a small town man whore
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
