i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
