I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
