Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this just has baby written all over it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
PANTIES FOUND
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