I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
