Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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