last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
