census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
