worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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