2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
