i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
