We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
